Provided by "Mad About Marriage Ministry"
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April 20, 2024
Your Marriage Improves ONLY When...
How do you chisel out time to invest in your marriage when you’re already running on fumes?
If you only had a couple more hours in your day, right?
Priorities
How often do you make time for what you really want to do?
Exactly.
Truth is, people find time and energy to do what they want.
If you’re struggling to find time for your marriage, chances are it doesn't rank as high as it should on your list of priorities.
Domino Effect
When you make time to make your marriage better, all the other areas of your life get better, too.
If you're unhappy with your marriage, chances are you're not happy overall.
A strong and happy marriage has a way of making life much happier and less stressful.
Just Do It
Get started. How?
Talk about the marriage with your spouse and identify areas you feel deserve immediate attention.
Take out your calendars and block off time for those things.
Will you need to eliminate some things to make room? Probably.
But it's time to make your marriage a priority and ask the tough questions, like:
Do you have too many work obligations?
Are there too many kids’ activities?
You and your spouse have a life together.
Work is important.
Kids are important.
But so are you and your marriage!!
A happily married mom and dad are far more important to your kids’ health and well-being than a ton of activities.
AND, happy people are more productive at work!
So, make your marriage an immediate priority by blocking out time on your calendars for each other.
Fill those blocks of time with date nights, talks with your spouse, or even marital counseling sessions if needed.
You'll have a better marriage when your reasons and priorities are stronger than your excuses.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
April 13, 2024
Pray For Your Spouse Much?
Many couples underestimate the power of prayer in their marriages.
They don't ask for God's blessing or His intervention in their marriage problems until after things have gotten really bad.
Prayer is Important. Why?
God designed marriage.
But Satan is constantly attacking it.
His goal is to destroy the belief in, and commitment to, Christian marriage because it mars the image of God.
If you want to save your marriage or drastically improve it, then bring the mind and heart of Jesus Christ into your relationship through prayer.
How to Pray for Your Marriage
Pray individually and together.
There's heart-warming power in hearing your spouse interceding for you before the throne of grace.
Pray for strength, wisdom, discernment and protection over your spouse and family.
Ask God to help you to see your partner as He sees them.
What would happen if you looked at your spouse how He does?
What if you loved and cared for them like He does?
How would your marriage be different if you treated your spouse like God treats you?
Additionally, ask for God's power and wisdom to endure the ups and downs.
Ask God for grace and patience during trials and tribulations.
Claim and Receive God's Promises
The bible is full of wonderful promises.
Find promises and scriptures relevant to your situation and claim them in prayer.
Go before God with your open Bible, with your finger on the promise, and tell Him:
"Dear God, here's what you said - here's what you promised. I'm claiming your promise - I'm taking you at your word because I trust you and believe that you keep your word. And it's in the name of Jesus Christ that I receive this promise. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen."
There's transforming power in praying the Living Word of God.
A lot of people admit that praying for their spouse would be a good idea but how many actually do it?
I pray that this week's tip will inspire you to take the next step -- that you will pray for your spouse and with your spouse -- and ask God to bless you with a happy, healthy and lasting Christian marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
April 6, 2024
How Boring Are You?
No offense, but, how interesting are you?
And how interesting do you think you are to your spouse?
There’s an old adage in Hollywood:
Be anything but don’t be boring.
So...Just How Interesting Are YOU?
Does your spouse think you're boring, dull, or predictable?
This conversation is uncomfortable but important because it’s important to the health and happiness of your marriage.
Here’s the truth of the matter:
You owe it to your spouse to be an interesting person.
What do the following have in common?
Falling into a rut...slipping into sterile routines...being mind-numbingly predictable..
They are ALL choices.
So, start choosing differently.
Why?
Because I promise you that your spouse enjoys interesting people.
Your Mission
Challenge yourself to be an interesting person.
Get curious!
Open your mind.
Open your heart.
Investigate.
Explore.
Question.
Laugh.
Go on adventures.
Play!
Make memories.
Live in awe.
If your most exciting and stimulating conversation of the day with your spouse is about the weather, increasing gas prices, or "did you hear what happened to so-and-so?" you're in trouble.
So, read, know what’s happening in the world, make new discoveries, be aware, be awake. Be fully alive!
Most of all, strive to be interesting.
What You And Your Spouse Must Do
Grow together and stimulate each other mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Share hobbies and common interests.
Physical Activities...
Enjoy physical activities, maybe like hiking, swimming, scuba diving, kite boarding, gardening, bird watching.
Intellectual Activities...
Enjoy intellectually-stimulating hobbies like photography, painting, or music.
Spiritual Activities...
What are some spiritual things you could enjoy together?
Attend a faith community together? Volunteer? Teach a Bible class for kids, sing in the choir, study the Bible, pray together?
Fun Activities...
What are some fun things you think you might enjoy doing together?
Watching a movie, attending a concert, going to a book club, golfing, laser tag, go to a comedy club, spend the day at the beach, go for a picnic, site-seeing?
What fun things did you enjoy when you were dating?Maybe you should enjoy them again.
Enrich Each Other
Enrich each other's lives by sharing life experiences, make special memories, do interesting things.
Get busy living.
Demonstrate that you love life!
Do whatever you can to NOT be boring!
Share life, and choose to make your marriage an exciting adventure.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
March 31, 2024
Why Church Attendance Might Save Your Marriage
The results are in! Attending church together improves your marriage, greatly reducing the likelihood of divorce.
A study on divorce in the church reveals that regular church attendance makes a Christian marriage more stable and satisfying.
This results in lower divorce rates for Christian couples who attend the same church and have similar religious beliefs.
The divorce rate among couples who go to church together is between 15 and 20 percent, which is much lower than the national average.
How Going to Church Improves Your Marriage
There are three ways that going to church makes your marriage better.
First, praying for your marriage and your spouse relieves stress and gives you peace, which in turn results in greater marital satisfaction.
Praying together deepens emotional intimacy which has a direct effect on marital satisfaction.
Praying for each other, on the other hand, can make you more selfless, grateful and forgiving, all of which are necessary for a happy marriage.
Second, couples who attend the same church also benefit from the marital guidance offered by the church.
They're taught to mold their marriages after the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church. This gives them something to aspire to and motivates them to improve their marriages.
Lastly, many couples who attend the same church also minister or serve together.
There are few things more intimate than ministering or working on a service project with your spouse.
Couples who are authentic people of faith who attend church together experience deeper levels of emotional intimacy, have less stress, are more grateful and forgiving, all things we need for happy and deeply satisfying marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
March 23, 2024
The Point of No Return
Breaking News: Married couples aren't always happy!
(I can hear you thinking: "Breaking news?? Tell me something I don't know! I've known that since the second day of my marriage!")
Everyone who's married knows that problems and conflict come with marriage.
A rough patch is one thing, but losing yourself in a heap of problems that keep piling up and are never solved, is dangerous because, with time, they bring your relationship to a tipping point
The tipping point is the point where negative interactions exceed positive ones.
When negative interactions exceed positive ones, the marriage enters a downward spiral towards divorce.
Once you reach the tipping point and pass it, you're no longer invested or interested in contributing to the relationship.
Fixing a relationship that has reached the tipping point is challenging. It can be done, but it won't be easy.
The best thing is to recognize when you’re getting close to the point of no return so you can save the marriage.
Blow Ups
Unresolved anger tends to erupt into emotional tirades.
If you're blowing up at your partner frequently or getting irritated by everything they say or do, it’s time to evaluate your marriage.
I highly recommend seeking marriage counseling to prevent further harm and heal any damage that's been done.
Not Caring
Not caring is just as dangerous and harmful as explosive anger and irritation.
If the things you used to enjoy no longer interest you, and you no longer enjoy your spouse’s company, you’re probably close to the edge of the tipping point.
Feeling hollow or empty within the marriage despite everything that’s going on around you is a warning sign.
Not Talking
A breakdown in communication is another sign.
If you've stopped talking to each other because you’re angry or because there's nothing to talk about, you’re close to the tipping point.
No relationship can survive without communication.
Divorce Fantasies
Daydreaming about divorce is one of the surest signs that a marriage is about to end.
Even if the couple is in a situation where they'd never divorce legally, they will divorce in some other way, whether emotionally or physically, while remaining in the "marriage."
The fantasy starts out as an idea that is quickly and guiltily dismissed, but, with time, it turns into a fixation.
Fantasies may help you escape reality when you're having marriage problems, but they also put you one step closer to divorce.
If you're going through any of these situations in your marriage, get help now before it's too late.
A marriages doesn't just end abruptly.
Usually, there are signs that the relationship is close to the tipping point.
Knowing these signs and catching them in the early stages can help save your marriage from going beyond the point of no return.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
March 16, 2024
Your Assumptions are Hurting You
Has your spouse ever said something hurtful that you tried to ignore and brush off but couldn't?
After letting it eat you up inside for a couple days, you can't take it anymore and say something, only to find out that what you thought they said, isn't what they meant.
Misunderstandings like this happen all the time in marriage.
Why?
Because of the illusion of sameness.
Spouses tend to assume words and actions have the exact same emotional meaning to both of them.
They assume that since they know what their partner means they don't need any clarification.
Misunderstandings are like small holes in a ship.
They're not a big deal at first but sink the ship if left unattended.
Every couple should use a communication style that prevents and resolves misunderstandings effectively.
Your Partner is Your Ally
Remind yourself that your spouse isn't your enemy.
They wouldn't intentionally say or do something to hurt you.
Therefore, thou shalt not assume, but ask for clarification when they say or do something hurtful.
Don’t accuse them of anything; just ask what they meant.
Listen to what your partner has to say and be inclined to believe them by giving them the benefit of the doubt.
After all, they know what they meant; trust them.
Unless your partner has a history of dishonesty, there’s really no reason why you shouldn’t believe their explanation.
Apologize If Necessary
If necessary, apologize for misunderstanding them.
This is important because your spouse may be hurt that you think they would intentionally say or do something to hurt you.
And do this EVEN if you don’t get an apology from them.
Finally, Let It Go
Once you’ve cleared up the misunderstanding, don’t bring it up again. Drop it.
Although these tips will clear up any misunderstandings, they won’t prevent them.
To do that, you’ll need to let go of your preconceptions about your spouse’s behavior.
Get used to asking questions, and repeat what you hear back to them.
This is the single most effective tool for communication in marriage
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
March 9, 2024
Your Spouses Annoying Habits
You can be happily married and love your spouse to the moon and back but still find things about them that annoy you.
Maybe they chew loudly, snap their gum, leave dirty clothes on the floor or dirty dishes in the sink, or make silly jokes that aren't funny but you laugh anyway.
Should you ignore these pet peeves and sweep them under the rug? You can try, but your irritation will boil over sooner or later.
Besides, your spouse will probably sense something is bugging you anyway.
The last thing you want is for your patience to run out and you erupt in anger all over your spouse.
Understand Why You’re Annoyed
It's about you, not them.
The real reason why you’re irritated is because your partner isn't living up to the standard(s) you hold yourself to.
This is why you often find yourself thinking, “I would never do that so why are they doing it?”
You're projecting your self-judgment onto your partner.
Is this a problem? Not if your standards are reasonable.
But if you're controlling or are a perfectionist, or are insecure about your own quirks, chances are you’ll be intolerant of your spouse’s shortcomings.
You must first understand why you’re irritated and whether your spouse’s actions warrant such a reaction to help determine what you do next.
Otherwise you're just being harsh and exacting.
Share your Pet Peeves...Maybe
Your spouse would probably try to stop doing those things that bother you, if they knew.
This is tricky because some things just aren't worth bringing up.
But if it's that important to you and you decide to bring it up, consider this advice:
Be objective and focus on the issue at hand when sharing your pet peeves with your partner.
How does this work?
It means don't use statements such as “you always do this _____.”
Instead, be gracious and kind as you bring up a specific and recent instance when your spouse did something that you don’t like.
Have a potential solution in mind - like remembering a similar situation where they did the "right" thing; let them know that's what you prefer.
Reciprocate The Courtesy
Don't make this all about them; there are things about you that annoy them, too.
Ask them if there's anything you do that they'd like to see you change or stop doing.
If you can't enter this conversation with an open heart and mind to receive their criticism, then don't have the conversation at all.
Finally, acknowledge their loving attitude and effort to change; offer positive affirmation because you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. So be honey not vinegar.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
March 2, 2024
Romantic AND Committed
Feelings are fickle.
You can feel soooo in love with your spouse today, all warm and cozy inside, with butterflies in your stomach.
But be totally turned off tomorrow because of something they said or did.
Roller-coaster feelings create a very unstable foundation for the marriage and fill the relationship with uncertainty.
Change How You Think
You must change the way you think about love if you want a healthy relationship that's consistently happy.
Are “butterflies" wrong? Not at all.
But, you must anchor your marriage on something stronger than butterflies.
You must go deep and anchor your love on something solid, otherwise the relationship will begin crumbling as soon as the feelings are gone.
Romantic Love vs. Committed Love
Falling in romantic love is easy because it doesn't take much effort; it just happens.
But it's just as easy to fall out of romantic love. And that's the problem.
Committed love is different.
Committed loves requires you to choose to see the good in your spouse everyday, as opposed to focusing on what annoys you about them.
It requires you to accept them as they are, flaws, quirks and all, without trying to change them.
It's easier to "stay" in love with your partner when your love is anchored in commitment instead of feelings.
Committed love is choosing to be supportive, affectionate, kind, caring and loyal to the one you love, even when you don't want to or you feel they don't deserve your best.
And it's a willingness to share life with all its unromantic aspects with your significant other.
This week's marriage advice can help you create a stable foundation for love and marriage that is based on commitment versus fickle feelings.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
January 13, 2024
You'll Regret Not Doing This
Modern life makes it hard to feel (and stay) connected to your spouse because you’re always rushing around.
It never feels like you have enough time and energy to devote your FULL attention to each other.
If you’re doing great in your career, you’re probably not doing so great with your marriage.
If you have a great relationship with your kids, then time with your spouse is probably lacking.
What are you giving time and attention to at the expense of your marriage?
If you don't find a way to stay connected and engaged with your spouse, you'll regret the results.
Constant Communication
The only way a busy couple can avoid growing apart is through constant communication.
Just like a pilot stays in constant communication with the air traffic control on the ground to reach his destination without crashing, same is true for you and your spouse - you must stay constantly connected for your marriage to flourish.
But how?
There's only so much of you to go around. And you’re so busy you hardly see each other now.
Use technology (instead letting it use you).
Why can't you talk on the phone during lunch breaks?
... or text throughout the day...
... or do a quick video call…
... email them
... or leave a flirty audio message...
Or go old school and leave notes around the house.
Does any of this take long? No. So stay connected, even if it’s a short call between appointments to say, "I was just thinking of you and wanted to say how much I love you."
Sacred Spaces
Designate sacred spaces in your house where work is NOT allowed, especially the bedroom!
Phones, tablets, and laptops in bed keep you from catching up, making plans, or discussing important stuff.
And even if you don’t feel like talking, just being in each other’s presence without distractions helps you feel connected and deepens intimacy, especially if you cuddle and hold each other.
If possible, the dinner table should be an electronic-free “sacred space.”
Why?
Because it gives everyone a chance to catch up and engage each other - to be an actual family - instead of being married to your phones.
Priorities
One of your top priorities must be staying connected to your spouse and family.
Period.
No excuses.
You can’t sit around waiting and hoping for more time together. Nope. You have to make it happen.
If you don’t, who will? Your boss? Nope. Your friends? Nope. Social media? Nope. NetFlix? Nope.
You can’t sit around waiting for you and your partner’s schedules to match to have more time together. That's a recipe for unhappiness because it NEVER happens.
There will be times when you must say no to work, extended family, friends and even the kids so you and your spouse can enjoy time together.
Do not underestimate the importance of spending quality AND quantity time together.
It’s one of the secrets that keep your marriage from unraveling.
So make time together a top priority and don’t make any excuses for it or feel you need to justify it to anyone.
Modern married life is challenging!
But talking to each other constantly, having sacred spaces, and prioritizing time together in your marriage deepens intimacy and keeps you grounded.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
January 6, 2024
I'm Sorry...
Never go to bed angry at your spouse, if you can help it.
According to research, when you're asleep, your brain is busy reorganizing your memories.
This makes it much harder for you to suppress negative memories, and it causes hurt feelings to harden into resentment, leading to marital problems.
Does this mean prompt apologies are always best?
No. Why not?
Because when you’re dealing with complex and emotionally-charged situations in marriage, a quick apology can seem insincere and meaningless.
Some studies suggest delayed apologies are more satisfying. Why? Because they give the “wronged party” a chance to express their concerns and allow both parties a chance to fully process their thoughts and feelings.
The Right Time to Say "I'm Sorry"
The timing of an apology can make the difference between restoration and healing or deeper hurt and more pain.
According to psychologists, the effectiveness of an apology is usually low immediately after the disagreement but it increases with time, up to a certain point.
Follow these guidelines when figuring out the right time to apologize.
Complex Marriage Problems
When you’re dealing with complex marriage problems, the right time to apologize is after your spouse has had a chance to voice their concerns.
This way, your spouse won’t feel like you’re only apologizing to get out of trouble or to "shut them up."
It’s also important to give yourself enough time to understand why your partner is upset and to process your own feelings.
Otherwise, your apology will sound inauthentic and patronizing.
But don't use this is an excuse to avoid the issue and keep it on the back burner in the name of “processing.”
Apologizing For Small Mistakes
On the other hand, when you’re dealing with small mistakes, an immediate apology is more appropriate.
For instance, if you forgot to do something that your spouse asked you to do, apologize immediately.
Waiting to apologize in these situations causes your spouse’s hurt feelings to fester and turn into resentment.
Apologize More Than Once
Keep in mind that one apology isn’t always enough when you’re trying to resolve marital problems.
Sometimes, you need to apologize multiple times during the healing process. So, if your first apology isn’t successful, try try again!
A Clean Slate
As we start 2024, perhaps the three words that would matter most to your spouse, and could turn things around, are, "I am sorry."
Why take last year's pain and regrets into a new year? Give your marriage a fresh start! Could three little words change the destiny of your relationship? Yes!
Start 2024 with the power of "I am sorry," and, "I love you." And then show you mean it with your changed behavior. Words are cheap but actions are priceless.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 23, 2023
8 Great Gifts For Your Spouse
It’s December 23, 2023. And for those who celebrate Christmas, their shopping is probably done and everything is wrapped and under the Christmas tree.
But the best gifts you can give your spouse are the ones you can't buy or wrap in beautiful paper and ribbons.
Here are the best eight gifts you can give your spouse this Christmas.
Why?
Because these gifts have the power to save your marriage from divorce, overflow your relationship with peace and joy, and have you celebrating love for the rest of your life!
Here they are (and trust me, they're going to love them).
1. The Gift Of A New Attitude
Are you pessimistic or optimistic? Do you look for the best or the worst in your spouse? Do you find fault or give encouragement?
A new attitude makes everything better.
So instead of being negative, critical, and selfish, be optimistic, encouraging and supportive, and generous!
Start by smiling at your spouse more often and telling them what you appreciate about them. Do this and you’re bound to have an amazing Christmas!
2. Choose To Restore Your Relationship
If there's something wrong with your relationship, you have three options: Ignore it, fume and fuss over it, or restore it.
So stop making excuses and do whatever you can to start restoring your marriage this Christmas.
3. Stop Blaming Your Spouse For Your Problems
Marriage takes two people.Your spouse causes some of the problems and YOU cause some of the problems.
So stop blaming them because you’re both responsible for the challenges facing you.
Give your spouse the gift of no longer blaming them for everything that you think is wrong with your marriage.
Grow up. Take responsibility. Get therapy. And break-free from the blame game.
4. Share Your Vision With Your Spouse!
Share with them what you want from them, life and your marriage!
Spend an hour or two alone in the coming days to write out your vision for the kind of marriage you long for.
Share with them any problems or challenges you see, and any dreams, goals or desires you have.
5. Give The Gift Of Time
One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is the gift of time. Time is something that when it’s gone it’s gone.
Time is the most expensive and precious gift you can give.
So give your spouse the gift of time – give them your FULL attention; give them distraction-free time.
6. Practice The Golden Rule
How do you want to be treated? Start treating your spouse that way, even if you think they don't deserve it.
Be loving, appreciative, kind, caring, warm, playful, fun, energetic.
We reap what we sow. Give your spouse the gift of a “new” kind of love this Christmas.
7. Be Considerate, Polite, Respectful and Nice
The longer people are married the less courteous they seem to be.
Why are we nicer to strangers than to the most important person in the world whom we pledged to love and cherish for the rest of our life?
Give your spouse the gift of being nice to them this Christmas and coming year.
8. A Problem-Free Break
Give your spouse the gift of a mini-vacation in 2024.
Make it a problem-free break, where you decide not to dredge up the past or talk about old wounds.
The purpose of this mini-vacation is to enjoy each other's company without any of the hurts, hangups or fights. Just get to know each other again and enjoy each other's company.
It’s not what’s under the tree that matters, it’s what’s in your heart.
So from my home to yours, may you have a wonderful holiday season that overflows with peace, hope and joy, and a deeper love than you've ever known.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 16, 2023
Less Interested in Your Spouse?
How interested are you and your spouse in each other?
And are you becoming disinterested in one another or maybe even indifferent?
In the early stages of a relationship, a couple enjoys each other’s company immensely - they want to be together ALL the time!
But after a while, they might start noticing things about their spouse they didn't see before, which can cause them to like their partner less and less each day.
As spouses lose interest in each other, conversations become less meaningful and more argumentative. Why? Because they no longer feel deeply connected.
Emotional intimacy fades. Soon, physical intimacy also fades.
Here are some reasons why this happens and what you can do to become interested in each other again.
Acceptance
One of the reasons why couples stop getting along is because they become less accepting of their spouse and increasingly less tolerant.
They start focusing on their spouse's shortcomings and start wishing that their spouses were better listeners, more romantic, more patient, more generous, or something of the sort.
How do you know you’ve accepted your spouse as they are? When you no longer react in anger to their bad habits – when you accept the truth that it’s not up to you to change them.
Acceptance starts with respect and appreciation.
When you truly respect your spouse and appreciate their efforts, it’s so much easier to accept the "not so great" things about them.
Listen
If you don't talk or spend much time together anymore, you're probably not listening to each other either.
You're probably talking AT each other.
You start making assumptions and jump to conclusions instead of really trying to find out what your spouse is thinking or trying to say.
Don't just hear their words; listen for the underlying emotions. If something doesn't make sense, ask them to clarify what they mean.
Space
Giving each other space reignites interest in one another.
In fact, it's probably the easiest fix in the process of shifting from not enjoying each other’s company to wanting to be around each other once again.
Give each other the opportunity to miss each other.
Finding a healthy balance between spending time apart individually and time together as a couple is one way to start enjoying each other’s company again.
Many couples go through phases where they don't want to talk to each other or spend time together. Today's advice isn't to prevent that from happening but to keep you from getting stuck there when it does.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 9, 2023
Ending Toxic Relationships
Not all friendships are good for your marriage. You know this. Toxic friends have to go.
But you drag your feet because you don't want to hurt their feelings. So you put up with them.
But while you're protecting their feelings, their presence in your life is hurting your marriage.
Who Needs To Go?
Friends who don’t respect your values and beliefs about marriage, or who think the worst about your spouse, need to go.
No, It Won't Feel Good
Cutting out toxic friends makes you feel cruel and guilty. But for the sake of your inner peace and the health of your marriage it has to be done.
Three Ways To End Toxic Friendships
1. The Easy Way: Fade Out
Let nature take its course.
Often, friends are drawn together by circumstances. But as situations change, so do friendships.
Outgrowing friendships and drifting apart is a fact of life, and it is the most common way friendships end.
There's hardly any drama with this approach because you never really have to have that emotionally difficult conversation about why the friendship is ending.
The phone calls and texts will slowly fade away as you go your separate ways.
2. Pull Back
You don't always have to sever the friendship completely.
Sometimes, putting some distance between you and your toxic friends is all that's needed to end their influence on your marriage.
You can be friendly without calling or hanging out as much as you used to.
You can also expand your social circle or start spending more time with other friends.
3. An Argument or Fight
Conflict is uncomfortable. And when values and beliefs clash, it often causes a fight.
A big argument can be all it takes to force a clean break.
Do you ignore your friend completely after the fight? No. You’ll need to talk with them about the situation so they won't be taken by surprise by your decision.
4. The Difficult Conversation
Letting a friend know you’re ending the friendship is the hardest, but most respectful, way to end a friendship.
Here’s the key:
Be honest about what you’re feeling but don't focus too much on what they’ve done wrong or how they’ve disappointed you.
Let them know that the friendship is causing marriage problems, but don’t place all the blame on them.
As we go through the holiday season and prepare for the new year ahead, pray about your social circle and seek God's wisdom and strength to make any changes that are best for you personally and for the sake of your happy marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
December 2, 2023
How Friends Hurt Your Marriage
Your friends influence how you feel about your marriage and spouse.
In fact, they influence how you feel about life and relationships in general because they're in your social circle:
They're there when you need to talk, vent, or celebrate.
And your closest friends know what’s happening with your job, kids and marriage. So, they kind of have a “say” in your marriage, even if indirectly. How?
Influencing you by agreeing with you...
By validating your feelings...
By criticizing or judging you or your partner...
And by venting about their own marriage problems.
The question isn't whether your friends have a say. It's how much say do you give them?
Agreement and Validation
It’s nice to have supportive friends who validate your feelings.
But too much validation blinds you to your shortcomings, making everything seem like it’s your spouse’s fault.
Some friends think it’s their job to support you no matter what – even when they know you’re wrong.
Permission To Disagree
So give your friends permission to disagree with you – to call you out and hold you accountable.
A good friend is someone who is honest about your flaws and encourages you to grow.
This is healthier for your marriage and life in general.
Criticism & Judgement
Good friends believe the best about you AND your spouse.
They don’t see your complaints about your spouse and marriage as an invitation to criticize and judge your partner.
Friends who believe the worst about your partner can make you more judgemental and critical of your partner.
If that sounds like your friends, it's time to expand your social circle.
Venting
Frustration is contagious. And, yes, misery does like company.
If your friends are constantly venting about their partners, it'll affect you eventually.
Chances are you'll start seeing your partner in a negative light because of the seeds of negativity and discord you’re allowing your friend(s) to plant in your mind.
Here's the deal: If you want your marriage to succeed, don't risk being friends with people who only speak negatively and critically about their marriages and spouses.
Here's What You Do
Remind yourself and your friends that you can either focus on what’s wrong/bad about your marriage or on what’s right/good.
Picking Friends who are Good for your Marriage
It’s best to filter your friends by their faith and fruits.
I strongly believe that friends who don't share your faith, values, and beliefs about marriage should not have a “voice” in your married life. Why? Because you're on different pages and have different standards.
They will have an unhealthy influence on your marriage and life. It might be subtle at first, but they will influence you to do things you wouldn't do otherwise.
Likewise, friends who aren't in happy and healthy marriages themselves, should not be allowed the privilege or power to influence your marriage.
Guard your marriage at all costs by protecting it from friends who influence you negatively about your spouse and marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
November 25, 2023
Unlock Your Happiest Marriage
Gratitude is one of the superpowers that unlocks your happiest marriage.
So, how generous are you with showering your spouse with love, appreciation, and affection?
In fact (and answer this next question only to yourself), how thankful are you for your spouse and marriage?
I’m not sure how you answered that question but I know this for sure: Gratitude makes you a better spouse. Here’s why.
It makes you more fun & enjoyable to be around
Being grateful makes you a much more joyful and optimistic person - the kind of person that people enjoy being around and spending time with.
Is the energy you bring into your relationship positive or negative?
Do you focus more on what’s wrong with your spouse and marriage or do you dwell on what’s good?
Gratitude creates a warm, positive, cheerful, and enjoyable marital environment.
It makes you more attractive
A positive attitude is attractive; it's magnetic!
Isn’t it so much easier to love someone who doesn’t complain all the time?
And it’s so much more fun to share life with someone who doesn’t take life so seriously all the time, too?
Exactly.
It makes communication easier
Showing appreciation is a great way to open the lines of communication, especially when difficult conversations arise in the future.
Why?
Because you'll have a laid a foundation where each of you actually feels you like and care about each other!
It deepens intimacy
Showing gratitude and appreciation draws you closer together, improving emotional and physical intimacy, which is something almost every couple says they want more of in their marriage.
Gratitude and intimacy helps maintain a strong bond that carries you through the most difficult times.
It sets a good standard
When you’re positive and thankful, it’s hard for your spouse to be negative around you. By being grateful, you set the tone and expectation for everyone around you.
Keep being thankful, appreciative, grateful, and blessed, even if they call you a broken record! Be the change you want to be in your marriage!
Being thankful and expressing gratitude shouldn't just be something we do in November and December during the holiday season; it's something we should do and be ALL year because it’s one of the secrets for having a happy marriage!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
November 18, 2023
Coming Clean With Your Spouse
How honest are you with your spouse about stuff? Like, how much you spent the last time you went shopping, where you were, or letting them you know you forgot to do something they asked?
Hiding stuff from your spouse is never a good idea.
If they learn the truth from another source, trust is damaged.
Moral failures, whether they were emotional or physical, are especially hard to confess because you don't want to hurt your spouse, disappoint them, cause trouble, or get into trouble.
But you can't keep lying and living a life of deception.
Complete Honesty
Coming clean means telling the whole truth. Sharing only part of the truth is still lying. And please don't lie during your "confession" as it only causes more problems.
The sooner you tell the whole truth, the sooner the healing process can begin.
The Right Time
Find a time when things are calm and there's enough time for this difficult conversation.
But don't keep putting things off either because you can't find a "good" time.
Share the truth in a respectful and empathetic manner.
Be regretful, apologize for your actions and state that you’re ready to work towards rebuilding trust.
But have that spirit and say those things only if you mean them.
Take Responsibility
Don't make excuses or cast blame.
Focus on what you did, not on why you did it.
Saying things like “at least I’m coming clean” or “at least I didn’t do . . .” do not help.
Don't Expect Immediate Forgiveness
The purpose of this conversation is to tell the truth and take responsibility for your actions.
Don't go into this conversation expecting your spouse's immediate forgiveness or gracious understanding.
You might be confronted with anger, harsh words, and even consequences. That's just how these matters go because of the pain and betrayal involved.
I'd encourage you to pray about everything before initiating the conversation, too.
Just realize there might be a lot of work to do to heal your relationship, depending on the severity of the situation. It's one thing to confess that you spent $100 you didn't have versus coming clean about an online relationship.
Answer Questions
Answer any questions your spouse has. When you don't answer their questions, they fill in the gaps with assumptions and worst case scenarios.
Your answers are important to the process of rebuilding trust, which likely means this isn't a one-and-done conversation.
Your spouse might be in such shock or feel so numb that they can't think of certain questions until later when things have cooled.
But they will have more questions after having time to process what they just heard.
Lies, deception, misdirection, denial, and dishonesty have no place in healthy relationships.
Telling the truth isn't easy, especially when you don’t know how your spouse will react, but you have to do it because honesty builds trust, and trust is the solid foundation upon which marriage is built.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
November 11, 2023
Affair-Proof Your Marriage
Your marriage is a treasure you must protect from temptation and threats like friendships with the opposite sex.
Does this mean you shouldn't be friendly with men and women who are not your husband or wife? No. But those friendships should be subject to certain rules and regulations; boundaries.
Most sexual and emotional affairs start out with harmless small talk that spiral out of control due to a lack of boundaries.
Guard Your Heart
The Bible cautions us to guard our hearts, and one of the best ways to do that is to avoid developing unhealthy or inappropriate emotional attachments to people.
If you're intimately, emotionally attached romantically to anyone other than your spouse, you're on dangerous ground and that attachment needs to be ended immediately to guard your heart and marriage.
Be Completely Honest with yourself
Are you attracted to a friend, acquaintance, or colleague? Be honest. If so, admit it to yourself and step away from the relationship.
Don’t try to convince yourself that it's harmless because it isn't; this is a big deal, and it's creating a very serious situation.
If your spouse tells says that they're bothered by your friendship with someone of the opposite sex, listen to them and honor their request. Period. No questions asked.
While your intentions may be completely pure, your friend’s may not be and your spouse could be picking up on this; trust them.
Jealousy, as long as it's healthy, in relationships isn't always a bad thing because it can be a firewall of protection.
Consider your Partner
One of the best tips for staying happily married is to always consider your spouse’s feelings regarding your interactions with the opposite sex.
Always ask yourself, “How would my spouse feel about what I'm doing?” And how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Have Ground Rules
The actual “rules” and boundaries vary from couple to couple but here are some for your consideration:
Don’t accept, welcome, or invite friend requests on social media from past boyfriends or girlfriends or friends that you’re attracted to.
Be transparent with your spouse about the DM's and comments that are coming to you unsolicited; demonstrate that you have nothing to hide.
Better yet, why not share your passwords with each other?
Since social media can be such a hotbed of inappropriate behavior and conduct, I can't stress how important it is to be truthful and transparent with each other about your social media interactions with those of the opposite sex.
If you don't want your spouse to find out about it/them, it's wrong. It's really that simple.
Furthermore, don’t have coffee, lunch or dinner alone with members of the opposite sex. It’s perfectly fine to decline such invitations, especially if your spouse can’t come; don't be an easy mark; and don't go fishing for trouble.
And use your best judgment with regard to business “lunches.” Keep it professional; don’t get too personal; keep the details of your marriage private even if things are a bit rocky at home.
Most emotional infidelity occurs when people begin to talk to each other about their personal lives, more specifically, their marriages.
Don't crack that door open, not even a little bit.
Lastly, if you find yourself in a position where you have to violate one of your ground rules, let your spouse know as soon as possible.
Discuss it with them.
If it looks like you're hiding something even though there may be nothing to hide, there's going to be trouble.
If you want to stay happily married, follow these rules. Create boundaries and rules that guard and protect your marriage. And if you're not happily married, decide to get the help you need this week to get back on track.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
November 4, 2023
Do You Have A "Work" Spouse?
The so called "work spouse" idea is dangerous and here's why.
It start out innocently enough... just a couple of co-workers bonding over common interests or grabbing lunch together.
But here's the problem. With time, "work spouses" become more and more attached and the relationship can evolve into an emotional affair.
Emotional affairs are infidelity, just as much as sexual affairs.
Emotional affairs fill the void of what's missing at home; they're dangerous.
A work spouse - a colleague to laugh with and connect with emotionally at a deep level, with whom to have personal, intimate conversations can be addictive, and it is always highly inappropriate, in my view.
How can you know when you’re getting dangerously close to physical affair territory?
When you’re spending more time at work
An office spouse can make being at work a lot more enjoyable, even preferrable if there's marital stress waiting at home.
If you find yourself spending a lot more time at work even though your workload hasn't increased, it might be because you want to spend more time with your colleague.
This results in trust and intimacy issues in your marriage because you’re essentially choosing to spend time with a colleague over your real spouse.
You hide your communication with your colleague from your spouse...
Does your heart skip a beat when your wife or husband picks up your phone?
Do you worry that your spouse might find out that you’ve been texting or calling your colleague?
If so, it might be a sign that things between you and your colleague aren't as innocent as you’d like everyone to believe they are.
You don’t want your spouse to meet your "work" spouse...
Your colleague probably knows that you’re married but has he or she met your spouse?
Have you gone out of your way to ensure that they don’t meet?
That might be because you’re secretly attracted to your coworker and you don’t want your spouse to see that you’re taken with them.
Out of sight, out of mind.
You always have lunch with the same coworker...
There’s nothing wrong with having lunch with a favorite coworker when you need to vent, but if it’s becoming a regular thing, it's probably time to expand your support network.
You should have more than one person that you can talk to at work about work.
It's a bad idea...
Look, having a work spouse is generally a bad idea, especially if you’re married.
At the very least, your spouse might get jealous or, at the very worst, you could end up having an emotional affair with them.
So, if you know you have a work wife or husband, it’s time to rethink that friendship and do something about it because it's the right thing to do and it protects your marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
October 28, 2023
Is Stress Hurting Your Marriage?
Regardless of what's happening in life, it's wrong to hurt your family with anger and frustration, and then say, "I'm sorry; I'm just under a lot of stress right now" to make yourself feel better for being mean to them.
It seems everyone is overwhelmed and burdened with stress these days. Some become Mount Vesuvius, spewing scalding ash all over their spouse and loved ones.
Happily married couples deal with stress in ways that don't hurt each other or damage their relationship.
Consider this advice to avoid letting stress hurt your loved ones during stressful times.
Powerful Rituals
Have a ritual that marks the end of work-mode and the beginning of "home-mode."
It might be as simple as changing from work clothes into stay-at-home clothes or a pair of comfy lounging pants (you say "pajamas" I say "lounging pants;" agree to disagree:)
Other folks might hit the gym for thirty mintues when done with work to clear their mind and burn off stress.
Other's might listen to soothing music or call a friend.
Whatever you choose, make it a ritual you can do every day as a kind of "portal" you step through to de-stress before interacting with your spouse and the kids.
Have Boundaries
Transitioning from work to home-mode is much easier when you confine your work to certain times and locations.
Granted, this isn't always easy when your work requires you to be reachable at all times.
If it’s not possible for you to confine your work to particular times and locations, mark off time daily for your family.
Even the busiest people can set aside an hour for a family meal or spending some special quality time with the kids. During this time, eliminate all distractions and focus on your family.
Have a Support Network
Unloading all your work stress on your spouse is unfair and bad for your marriage.
Find a support network of friends and mentors for help dealing with your professional stress.
Research shows that people with a strong support network are less stressed.
How well you manage work-stress has a huge impact on the quality of your marriage.
And if you want to stay happily married, you must reduce the impact your professional stress has on your spouse and family.
Using your family as an emotional crutch to ease your stress by dumping your stress all over them isn't fair; they deserve better; and so do you by the way.
Decide today not to let work-related stress keep you locked up in a prison of unhappiness. Deal with stress and overwhelm to begin unlocking your best life and marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
October 21, 2023
Keeping Secrets from Spouse
Trick question: What secrets are okay to keep from your spouse? None.
Here's another trick question: When is it okay to be secretive in your marriage?
Never.
(Well, maybe except when you're buying a gift or planning something special you want to surprise them with.)
So, why do we keep secrets from our spouse anyway?
We Keep Secrets Because...
We're afraid
We're afraid the truth will hurt their feelings.
Or, we feel keeping secrets protects us from our partner's anger & disapproval, and keeps the peace.
Or we fear that by telling the truth we're admitting that we've not been loyal to them.
Being honest forces us to acknowledge we've done something that goes against their wishes or expectations, or that we've betrayed their trust.
We're Ashamed...
Shame is another reason we're not honest with our spouse.
If we feel our spouse will judge, criticize, disapprove, or condemn us for doing what we did, we’ll keep things a secret to protect ourselves from the pain of their judgment and criticism.
Is It Ever Okay to Keep Secrets
Although some feel they have valid reasons for keeping secrets from their spouse, it's never okay to keep a secret that directly affects or concerns your spouse.
Secrets undermine trust and erode intimacy.
It’s one thing to keep the "secret ingredients" to your brownie recipe from your spouse, but another to hide your spending when it directly affects their financial well-being.
And it's never okay to keep secrets regarding where you were, what you were doing, or who you were with, which, by the way, also applies to your online activities.
If you can't share with your spouse who you were talking with online and what you were talking about, it's a problem.
Keeping secrets and being secretive are never justified in a marriage. An exception might be when a spouse finds themselves in a dangerous situation for which they need protection, intervention, or from which they need to escape for their own physical, mental, or emotional safety.
Secrets Are A Warning Sign...
If you're feeling the urge to be secretive or keep secrets, ask, "Why do I feel this way?" There's an underlying issue. And, likely, there's a root cause lurking beneath the underlying issue that you need to get to the bottom of.
Secrets and being secretive are warning signs that you need to deal with something in your marriage because there's nothing to hide in a healthy relationship.
A spirit of openness and full transparency strengthens trust and deepens intimacy, resulting in a satisfying marriage that overflows with affection, happiness, and fulfilled needs.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
October 14, 2023
How Satisfying Is Your Marriage?
Most marriages start off with intense passion, and are deeply satisfying at first.
Spouses can’t get enough time with each other!
And marriage seems so easy.
Guess what? That doesn't have to change. And if it has, you can get back there.
What you do when you’re happily married prepares you for the times when things aren't going so well.
There’s no better time to deepen a relationship than when things are going well!
Here are three ways you can begin deepening your relationship with your spouse today:
Safe Communication
Open, honest, safe, and loving communication is the easiest way to connect with your spouse on a deeper level, especially if you’re willing to be vulnerable; it invites them into your life.
Marriage thrives when communication flourishes, and sets the stage for issues being resolved more effectively when communication might not be where it should be.
Why?
Because of the intimacy you created during times when communication was really good.
Freedom
If you want to be happily married, you must be willing to give your spouse space to succeed and fail.
Give them the opportunity to grow and learn from their failures without you constantly coaching or nagging them, or making them feel bad, judged, guilty, or ashamed.
Giving your spouse room to be themselves deepens your relationship.
Invest
Although most marriages begin passionately, maintaining intense passion doesn’t happen on cruise control; it takes constant attention and work.
You must constantly make an effort to go beyond the “surface stuff.”
Being happily married and having a strong relationship takes daily effort from both parties; each spouse must invest 100% of themselves in the relationship.
Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
Building a beautiful marriage that deepens and grows through the years requires unity, loyalty - a team mentality - and an uncompromising commitment to having a strong, healthy, and happy relationship.
Following this marriage advice will deepen your relationship with your spouse and keep the spark alive, sustaining your passion.
A healthy, happy, and thoroughly satisfying marriage happens when you’re communicating well, allowing each other the freedom to fail and succeed, and investing 100% to make your relationship work.
How deeply satisfying is your marriage? A better question might be, How deeply satisfying do you want it to be? Which one of these three tips will you consider using this week?
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
October 7, 2023
Why Comparing Kills Marital Happiness
Comparing your marriage to someone else’s is a sure-fire recipe for insecurity and unhappiness.
Why? You don't know what's happening behind closed doors in that marriage.
You're seeing them at their marital best.
All you're really doing is comparing your weaknesses to their "strengths."
It's like comparing your marital blooper real to their highlight reel!
Break the Comparison Habit
The first step to breaking this destructive habit is to become aware that you’re doing it.
Acknowledge when you're comparing your marriage to someone else’s, and stop doing it.
Shift your Focus
When you’re comparing your marriage to someone else’s, it's usually because you’re fixated on your weaknesses.
To break this destructive habit, shift your focus by celebrating your strengths.
List three or four things about your marriage for which you're grateful.
And while you're at it, list three or four things you love and admire about your spouse.
There's no better time to celebrate your strengths than when you catch yourself comparing your marriage.
Celebrating your strengths protects your mind from wandering into dangerous territory, changes your mood almost immediately, and boosts your confidence.
Learning to be Okay with Imperfection
There will always be better, happier marriages than yours. But that doesn’t mean you should settle for mediocrity. It only means you must start thinking of marriage as a journey.
Your marriage might not be where you want it to be yet, but the journey isn't over.
Have a vision for your marriage, keep your eye on the goal, and work hard every day to unlock YOUR best marriage - one that is deeply satisfying and grows increasingly happier by the day.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
September 30, 2023
Chaos & Clutter or Sanctuary?
What kind of home are you and your spouse creating? There's something special about working together to create a peaceful sanctuary.
What does it take to create such a place?
Sharing Your Ideas, Hopes and Dreams
Have a conversation where you share your dreams of an ideal home with each other.
Start the conversation by talking about what you liked and disliked about the home you grew up in.
You can also talk about what you loved about your previous places.
What made you feel comfortable and at home?
Was it the couch, pillows, cozy bed, music, candles, certain decorations, or art on the walls?
Remember to include the spiritual part of your marriage. What role will prayer and family worship have? Are there any special rituals you want to do weekly that embrace and celebrate your faith?
Collaborate
Creating a sanctuary means you have to work together; it's give and take; everyone should have a say and take part, otherwise resentment is created.
Your home is a sanctuary for everyone in the family.
Create a cheerful place of rest and warmth that calms your minds, encourages happy interactions, and soothes your souls...
Create a home environment where even the angels of God enjoy visiting and staying.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
September 23, 2023
Stop Clashing With Your Spouse
According to studies, 68 percent of all conflict in marriage is due to personality differences.
Here are some tips for navigating personality clashes when they happen without creating unnecessary conflict.
Know YOUR personality…
For starters, have a good understanding of your own personality and tendencies.
Are you the kind of person who prefers to process things on your own before talking to your spouse or someone who needs to talk things through with your spouse to process things?
Do you give quick responses but then change your mind just as fast?
Or, is it difficult for you to change your mind once it’s made up, no matter how much someone tries to convince you?
Know YOUR spouse’s personality…
In addition to knowing your own personality, understand your partner’s personality traits and temperament needs.
What kind of person is your spouse regarding openness, self-discipline, extroversion, empathy, and stress management?
Are they someone who is competitive and always strives to be at the top, or are they someone who embraces “flow states,” learning, and enjoying the process?
What are some of their goals and values?
What motivates them?
What are some ways they express love?
And what do they need from you to feel loved?
Are they someone who needs to hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes to feel an intimate connection?
What kind of person do they believe and perceive themselves to be?
Finally, do they know this information about you? (Do YOU know this information about yourself?)
Communicate & Share needs...
The whole point of knowing your personality is so that you can share your needs and thought process with your spouse.
This helps them to understand you and your personality better, and lets them know the areas where they need to make adjustments, and vice-versa.
Most people want to make their spouse feel loved and are willing to compromise for the sake of having peace and being happily married.
It all starts with safe, open, heart-felt communication.
Sometimes it’s helpful to enlist the aid of a counselor or therapist to have these conversations, which is something you and your spouse might consider if there’s a lack of trust or you feel disconnected.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
September 16, 2023
42% of These Marriages Fail:
Forty-two percent of long distance relationships fail, of which sixty-two percent end because of a lack of intimacy, according to some statistics.
Being apart has negative consequences.
But so does coming back together after spending time apart.You'd think it'd be a dream come true. But that isn't always the case.
There's plenty of marriage advice on how to make long-distance relationships work, but not much on how to readjust to married life after long periods of time away.
New Routines
Living together after long distance is just like being newly married.
You can’t continue with your old routines and expect your spouse to fit into your routines.
You need to develop new routines as a couple.
Some of the routines you might want to consider are eating at least one meal together as a family, doing some fun activities together every weekend, and attending church together.
Keep in mind that you might need to adjust your new routine several times before you find one that works.
Personal Space and Alone Time
When you were living apart, you got used to having a great deal of space, freedom, and alone time.
It goes without saying that spending most of your time in each other’s spaces will take some getting used to.
Sparks might fly.
In the mean time, give each other personal space and time.
This might require creating a physical space for each of you to “get away.” This way, you don’t have to leave the home to unwind; you can just retreat into your “cave” for an hour or two.
It’s also perfectly fine to want to spend time with friends and family members.
You don’t need to spend every waking moment with each other to prove that you still love each other, or that time away indicates you prefer the way things when you were apart.
Married life after long distance requires you and your spouse to develop new routines.
This can be a bit challenging but as long as you both stick with it, are gracious, and have patience, you’ll make it work.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
September 9, 2023
Anniversary Blues?
Wedding anniversaries have a way of forcing you to take stock of your marriage, even if you’re happily married.
If you’re in an unhappy marriage, your anniversary can be a painful day because it forces you to realize your married life doesn’t match your hopes and dreams.
What should be a very happy day becomes a very sad day.
The quickest way to deal with anniversary blues is to focus less on the areas in which your married life doesn’t match your dreams, and focus more on appreciating what you have, at least for starters.
Just because you’re not feeling intense pleasure and emotional ecstasy doesn’t mean you’re marriage is coming to an end or that you’re destined to be unhappy forever. An internal state of well-being and contentment is just as good.
Celebrate Your Anniversary
Instead of focusing on all the things that aren’t right in your marriage, just lay those things aside for the day and celebrate your anniversary.
For one day, find something to be grateful for and celebrate.
Granted, this can be a bit difficult if your partner isn’t as enthusiastic about your anniversary as you are.
So don’t be shy about reminding your spouse that it’s your anniversary; there’s nothing wrong with that.
Although it can be a little hurtful that your spouse needs to be reminded that it’s your anniversary, it’s not necessarily a sign that they don't care.
Also, don’t shy away from telling your spouse what you want on your anniversary.
Your spouse might think simply saying “happy anniversary” or getting a card is enough. If you want more, tell them.
If you’d love to go out for dinner, tell them. If you’d like to exchange gifts, tell them.
Suggest some anniversary ideas that you feel you’d enjoy and be happy with.
Remember, your spouse’s willingness to do these things for you is more important that whether or not they came up with the idea.
Dealing with anniversary blues is much easier when you’re having the wedding anniversary celebration of your dreams, which might not be this year.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy and memorable celebration this year, as you and your spouse work towards having the kind of marriage you look forward to celebrating for many years to come!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
September 2, 2023
Is It Possible to Love Your Spouse Too Much?
Every married person wants to feel deeply loved by their spouse, but not suffocated!
Is it possible to love your spouse too much or for them to love you too much?
Can you imagine going up to your spouse and saying something like: "Hey! You love me too much and are driving me crazy!!"
Love Me but Not Too Much
Too much love is a love that engulfs, suffocates, or swallows up our individuality.
We want someone who loves us and cares about our well being, while still allowing us to maintain our individuality.
It's just too much when one spouse is hyper-focused on their partner's needs and interests, often to the exclusion of their own.
A love that suffocates is typically triggered by an insecurity about the relationship, usually the fear of losing someone.
It disregards what the other person wants, and uses neediness as a means to control their actions.
That type of “love” feels very different from real love, which prioritizes the other person’s happiness and, by extension, their freedom and autonomy.
When you understand the real motivation behind loving “too much” you can stop feeling guilty about feeling smothered and focus your energy on getting the love you want or need.
Teach Your Spouse How To Love You
The first and most important thing is to deal with the insecurities behind your spouse's unhealthy expressions of love.
Instead of telling your partner to love you less, talk to them about how they make you feel.
Don’t just say you feel smothered; explain how their behavior makes you feel like they don’t trust you.
Teaching your spouse how you want to be loved isn’t as hard as it sounds.
It’s all about being present and giving feedback:
Appreciating and complimenting your spouse when they show you love the way you like it, BUT also confidently (and gently) expressing your feelings when they do something that makes you uncomfortable or you don't like.
Romantic love is a constant negotiation.
You’re constantly learning how to love your partner and teaching them how you want to be loved, and vice-versa.
Just because you’re spouse is loving you too much doesn’t mean they can’t learn to love a little "less!" - in a way that doesn't smother your relationship but allows it (and you) to breathe!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
August 26, 2023
When One Spouse Earns More Money
Usually, one spouse makes more money than the other. And, surprisingly, it's a leading cause of marriage and money problems.
Here are some of the issues this imbalance causes:
Guilt and Resentment
It’s very common for the spouse who makes less to feel guilty and powerless when it comes to the household finances.
They feel guilty spending money they didn't earn, or feel they must be extra frugal to demonstrate they don't take the money for granted.
The “breadwinner” on the other hand may feel resentment towards the spouse who earns less. Or
feel taken advantage of when the other spouse spends money on things that aren't considered “essential.”
In a healthy relationship, there is no “mine” or “yours”, it’s all “ours.”
One way some couples deal with this is by having a joint account, in addition to separate accounts, for paying bills and saving for joint goals.
The spouse who earns less money manages the joint account to remove any feelings of powerlessness; and it gives them a say in the finances.
In addition to the joint account, each spouse should get a personal allowance for their hobbies and interests to spend freely without guilt.
The spouse who makes more money should acknowledge and appreciate what the spouse, who earns less, brings to the table and why.
Are they earning less because they’re doing most of the child care duties?
Would you really rather be spending more on child care just so your spouse can work as much as you do?
Are they re-entering the workforce after spending years taking care of the family and managing the household?
Has there been an unfortunate loss of job or career?
Communicate, and Budget
Most of these kinds of marriage problems can be resolved with open communication and a budget.
If you feel guilty for spending money because you make less, talk to your spouse about having some guilt-free spending money every month.
If you resent your spouse for spending too much, talk about creating a household budget that ensures all the bills are taken care of and you each have a set amount of spending money every month.
In a loving, non-accusatory manner, talk about how both of you can earn more.
Keep in mind that you’re a team and the goal shouldn’t be for the person who makes less to make more but to bring in more money for the family.
If it’s easier and more realistic for the person who already makes more to make even more, that’s what your efforts as a family should go towards.
This marriage advice may not take care of all your money problems, but it can point you in the right direction.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
August 19, 2023
5 Ways to be More Romantic Now
Romance slowly fades over time for many couples because of kids, jobs, and other responsibilities.
They don't have the time or energy to be romantic.
Or so they think.
And so romance is kicked to the curb.
But you can't have a happy marriage without romance.
Couples who want a happy marriage (and that should be you :) must find ways to make romance part of their daily routine.
Here are some easy ways to do just that:
Hold Hands
Holding hands is one of the easiest ways to enjoy more touch; it's such an innocent and sweet romantic gesture.
It’s perfect for when taking a walk, riding in the car, or watching TV with your spouse.
Flirt
Flirting isn’t just for pre-marriage dating!
It’s one of the best ways to win your spouse’s heart over and over again!
Start by gazing romantically at your spouse and, when they catch you staring, blow them a kiss.
Send flirtatious texts or leave romantic notes complimenting them on how they look.
Ask them out
Asking them out on a surprise date is spontaneous and is a great addition to scheduled date nights because it's unexpected. People like surprises! It's called being romanced.
This obviously requires some planning, but a lunch date is pretty easy to pull off because you don’t have to get a sitter or muster the energy to go out when you’re already tired.
Celebrate small victories
Making a big deal out of your spouse’s victories, no matter how small, is a great way to demonstrate your love and support.
The victory could be anything from landing a new client to successfully completing a project or finishing a course.
Bring them a gift
Gifts will always be one of the most straight forward romantic gestures in married life.
Spontaneous, “just because" gifts are the best.
For instance, if you see a something at the store you think your spouse would like, get it for them! It’s really that simple.
Being romantic is so much easier when romantic gestures are a part of your everyday married life.
Review the above tips to see which one you'll choose to do today!
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
August 12, 2023
Want More from Your Marriage?
A happy and healthy marriage should be a place where a husband and wife are free to "find themselves," to grow and evolve, and to express themselves, pursue personal fulfillment.
(Of course, being unquestionably faithful to each other and upholding one's marriage vows is a given.)
Although a marriage should meet your spouse's physical and emotional needs, it should also support their journey of self discovery in their careers, passions, talents, and faith, among other things.
Marriage shouldn't be a place of control and restriction where one spouse dictates everything that happens.
A good spouse supports their partner's personal growth and contribution.
When a spouse feels hindered by their partner to pursue personal growth and self-expression, to be free, they quickly become unhappy and dissatisfied with married life.
Low levels of marital satisfaction can are a pathway to divorce, and should be avoided, obviously.
But some people have an unhealthy need for control and certainty, which negatively impacts their spouse's mental and emotional health.
How to Support your Spouse’s Personal Growth
Believe in your spouse’s potential to become a better version of themselves while still celebrating how far they have come.
These two actions must go hand in hand for a happy marriage.
Focusing on their potential without celebrating their achievements makes them feel inadequate, whereas focusing on their present without seeing their potential makes it seem like you don’t believe in them.
Look, you're not your spouse’s life coach or personal trainer.
There’s a huge difference between supporting your spouse and pushing them to achieve their goals (or your goals for them, for that matter).
The former creates a team dynamic and makes it feel like the two of you are in it together, while the latter creates a toxic power dynamic.
Create a marital environment where your spouse feels comfortable to be exactly where they are and free to choose when to begin or halt their journey.
Give them the freedom to fail.
But support, encourage, and nurture them; affirm them - perhaps even nudge them but without being demanding or controlling.
It's impossible to have a happy marriage when one spouse is always acting like a coach, trainer, or accountability partner.
Be a supportive, uplifting influence to your spouse,
and remember that it's their life to live.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
August 5, 2023
ARE YOU A GOOD SPOUSE?
We all want a spouse who's there for us - someone we can count, who has our back and is there when we need them.
A good spouse is someone who makes their husband or wife feel secure in their marriage.
That isn't to say that a good husband or wife never disappoints their significant other; that’s impossible. It just means they try really hard not to.
What’s your track record?
Evaluate your track record as a spouse. Do you have a habit of making promises and not following through?
Do you constantly find yourself apologizing and promising, “It won’t happen again?”
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it might be time for a change.
Ways To Make Your Spouse Feel More Secure
Doing your part...
Taking care of the kids and doing chores is extremely important, even if you're not the primary parent.
Your partner should be able to go away for a couple of hours or days and not have to worry about the kids being fed, bathed and taken care off.
They shouldn't have to worry about the chores getting done and the home maintained.
Being financially responsible...
Being responsible with money and taking care of your finances is also part of being there for your partner.
This means working hard, spending money wisely and planning and saving for the future.
You don’t want your spouse to constantly worry about how you’re going to pay rent and other bills.
Financial stability or lack thereof plays a huge role in whether the marriage feels secure.
Protect your marriage...
Protecting your marriage is something your spouse should be able to count on you for.
They should be confident that you won't pursue an affair with another person even if that person comes on to you.
Your spouse should be confident and secure that you will protect your marriage from harm, evil, and temptation.
Your partner should know you only have eyes for them and that you’re fully committed to the marriage, and to being a faithful spouse no matter what.
Emotional or physical adultery is never excusable or justified.
Support your spouse...
You should be in your spouse's corner all day every day.
Being your spouse’s greatest supporter allows them to feel emotionally secure.
They should know that they can always count on your support in married life, whether physical or emotional.
Being there for your spouse demonstrates that you are committed to their happiness, and it makes them feel more comfortable and secure. It’s what a good wife or husband does.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
July 29, 2023
All 5 Love Languages? Really?
Everyone has a primary love language which they absolutely need to feel loved.
But most people also have secondary love language which plays a huge part in keeping their love tank full.
While it’s important to speak your spouse’s primary love language, it doesn’t mean that you can completely ignore the other love languages. People are capable of appreciating more than one love language.
If your spouse’s primary language is quality time, it doesn’t mean they don’t need words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch.
For example, they probably expect gifts on birthdays and anniversaries, even if receiving gifts is not their primary love language.
As a married person, your goal is to be fluent in all five love languages.
How to Speak the Five Love Languages
Quality Time
Quality time is not just about being together physically. It’s about proximity and undivided attention.
For this reason, doing fun activities for couples doesn’t always count as quality time. It only counts when the focus is more on the other person rather than the activity.
Physical Touch
Physical touch means showing love through hugs, cuddling, hand holding, massages, and even simply sitting close to each other on the couch. For example, if your spouse is going through something difficult, a hug can go much further in conveying your love than a gift.
Gifts
People feel loved when you invest money and time in picking out something special for them. It lets them know that they’re more important to you than the money or time you sacrificed in order to get them the gift.
Acts of Service
This is when you go out of your way to do something that makes your spouse’s life a little easier. This could be something as simple as making dinner, cleaning, driving them to an appointment or doing pretty much any other errand for them.
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation means using your words to let the other person know you love, appreciate, and cherish for them. It goes beyond simply saying I love you; it includes compliments and reassurances.
All five love languages are necessary for a happy marriage. While it’s important to pay special attention to your spouse’s primary love language, you shouldn’t ignore the others.
So, what’s your spouse’s primary and secondary love languages?
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
July 22, 2023
Loving a "Gift-Hungry" Spouse
Gifts are among the five love languages and a great way to show love.
In fact, there are people who need gifts in order to feel truly loved! But this doesn’t mean they're materialistic.
It’s not really about the gifts but about the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind them.
Like they say, it’s the thought that counts.
Loving a Gift Lover
While gift giving comes naturally for some people, it's stressful for others.
Some people dislike shopping and the pressure of finding the right gift. But anyone can learn to enjoy giving gifts.
If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, you need to figure out what their expectations are.
Don’t assume they only appreciate expensive gifts or expect a gift every other day.
Find out which holidays and occasions are most important to them; make sure you remember them!
Set reminders so you’re not racing around trying to find the perfect gift at the last minute.
Remember, gifts only count as a show of love IF they are thoughtful and meaningful - your spouse must feel loved every time they look at them.
Spontaneous Gifts
Spontaneous gifts are the best so you should always be on the lookout for small gifts your spouse would love.
You might not believe this but somethng as small as pack of their favorite gum can mean a lot to them.
A spontaneous gift, no matter how small, lets them know that they’re on your mind and that you pay attention to what they like.
It’s an Investment
If your significant other’s love language is receiving gifts, any gifts you give them are an investment in the marriage.
Thinking of it this way helps you focus less on the money you’re spending and more on the joy your spouse gets from receiving those gifts.
People who love receiving gifts are often misunderstood and mistaken for being materialistic or “high maintenance," which is unfortunate.
This is why it’s so important for their spouses to understand that it’s not about the gift itself but the love and thoughtfulness behind the gift.
Whether or not your gift-giving/recieving is one of your spouse's love languages, why not show love to them today with a spontaneous gift?
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
July 15, 2023
Spouse Less Attractive?
Suppose you marry a person you’re attracted to and then they change their appearance so drastically that the physical attraction is no longer there.
What do you do?
This a very complicated matter that needs to be handled wisely and delicately.
When you’re talking about someone’s physical attractiveness, you’re bound to encounter strong opinions.
The last thing your spouse wants to hear is that you're no longer attracted to them.
For all you know, your partner isn't happy with their appearance either but something keeps them from making a change.
The last thing you want to do is blurt out an unkind remark that hurts them.
The Bible repeatedly warns against speaking in haste, which is especially important in this situation.
How to Deal With This Issue
For starters, identify what's changed about your spouse’s appearance.
It's important to pinpoint what you’re no longer attracted to.
Is it their weight, clothes, hair etc?
Secondly, figure out what emotions are hiding behind the loss of attraction.
This is important because loss of attraction is sometimes a collection of emotions.
Do you maybe feel disrespected?
Do you find yourself questioning whether your spouse even cares about you and physical attraction in your marriage?
After all, it's easy to feel that if they really cared about you they wouldn’t have let themselves go!
You might also find yourself wondering: Why doesn't my spouse change or give their best for me. Don’t they think I'm worth it?
The Talk
Eventually, you have to talk to your spouse about it.
Start by reassuring them that you love them. Then open your heart and delicately share what you've noticed and how it makes you feel; very kindly share specific examples; have compassion for their journey.
Be supportive. Demonstrate great understanding. No one wants to feel attacked or that they're not good enough or don't measure up.
Lastly, ask if they're willing to consider committing to making a change, encourage them to seek professional guidance/coaching/counseling, depending on the issue.
It’s important to keep reassuring your partner of your love for them long after you’ve had this talk because they need to know that while this may have affected physical attraction, it hasn’t affected the foundation of your marriage.
Lastly, practice what you preach. Your spouse deserves your best, too. Is there something about how you dress or take care of your body that you can enhance for them?
This is a delicate issue that's bound to offend a few people but it doesn't change the fact that it's an issue in marriages even though it isn't discussed.
It's better to discuss it and work together to give each other your best rather than leaving the door open for unhealthy activities and influences to enter your marriage. Besides, your spouse deserves your very best in all areas of your life, mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
July 8, 2023
Is Internet Flirting Cheating
Bored spouses sometimes use the Internet to find some excitement.
They feel it's a “safe” way to get attention, feel better about themselves, and boost their mood.
Many of them don't think having an online “buddy” counts as cheating or emotional infidelity.
(Emotional infidelity is a thing...and it's just as serious as physicial infidelity.)
When is Flirting Cheating?
If you feel the need to hide your interactions with your online buddy from your partner, or you find yourself rationalizing or justifying your friendship, chances are what you’re doing is emotional cheating.
When your friendship with your online buddy begins to feed your sexual fantasies or meet your emotional needs, you've crossed the line.
Slippery Slope
Flirting of any kind tends to be a slippery slope that often takes on a life of its own.
One thing leads to another and things get out of control fast!
Rationalizing suggestive messages and inside jokes is just one step away from rationalizing a lunch date or two.
Flirting also takes energy and attention away from your spouse and weakens your marriage.
You marriage cannot thrive and will not survive if you are starving it and denying it the attention it needs and rightly deserves.
Either you're feeding and nurturing your marriage or you're not.
And if you're feeding and nurturing a relationship with someone outside of your marriage at the expense of your spouse, it's wrong.
Lastly, flirting puts your spouse in the awkward position of competing with someone they don’t even know exists. And it's a situation they should never ever be put in.
How is your spouse supposed to win when he or she doesn’t know there’s a competition going on?
Thinking About It Is Just As Bad
Committing infidelity in your thoughts is just as bad as doing the deed itself.
Emotional infidelity is just as sinful and harmful to your Christian marriage as sexual infidelity.
Also, if your online friend is not aware that you're married, you're essentially helping them sin, which isn't something you want to be a part of.
Goes Against Your Marriage Vows
When you got married, you vowed to forsake all others.
Having a flirtatious friendship with someone who isn't your spouse goes against that vow.
Emotional infidelity can sneak up on you and ruin your happy marriage before you know it.
The best way to keep it from happening is is to guard your marriage and avoid opening the door to infidelity via online flirting of any kind.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
July 1, 2023
TROUBLE RELATING TO YOUR SPOUSE?
Part of being a good spouse is being there for your partner when they're going through a tough time.
But what if you're having trouble relating to them and what they're going through? These tips might help.
Please listen to your partner..
One of the worst things you can do is try to guess what they’re thinking or how they’re feeling when what you should do is ask questions and listen carefully.
This helps you to understand your spouse’s perspective.
It’s much easier to be empathetic when you put yourself in their shoes.
Please don’t tell your spouse how to feel..
When your wife or husband shares how they feel, accept if for what it is even if you don't understand it.
Refrain from saying things like “you shouldn’t be worried” or “you worry too much” because it makes your partner feel discounted and unimportant.
This also applies to situations where you have wronged your partner.
It’s important to listen to how your spouse is feeling, and then apologize for making them feel that way.
Please put your spouse’s needs first...
Being able to put your spouse’s needs first, even when you don’t understand what’s bothering them, is such an important skill.
The fact your spouse needs your support should be enough for you, even if you can’t relate to what your spouse is going through.
It's part of being a good wife or husband.
You won’t always be able to relate to what your spouse is going through, but you can ALWAYS support them by being empathetic, supportive, and loving.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
June 24, 2023
WILL YOUR MARRIAGE LAST?
Psychologists have conducted many studies on the reasons why marriages fail and succeed.
They've discovered certain things happy couples do that unhappy couples don’t. And here they are:
The Way You Fight
Conflict is natural in married life but different people handle conflict differently.
Studies show that couples that last have certain things in common regarding how they resolve conflict.
For starters, they avoid hitting below the belt and address the issue at hand instead of attacking their partner personally.
Want a marriage that falls apart and ends in divorce? Attack your partner. Hit below the belt. A person will endure so much of that kind of treatment before walking away. If they don't walk away physically, they'll walk away emotionally.
Want a marriage that lasts? Focus on the issues instead of focusing on what the other person has done wrong.
The best way to improve how you and your partner “fight” and deal with conflict is to lay down some ground rules.
You can agree to take a “timeout” whenever you start losing control and things are getting too heated.
Alternatively, you can agree to only address one issue at a time, as soon as it occurs.
The Way You Love
Happy spouses understand each other’s love languages.
A happy, loving spouse will strive to meet their spouse's expectations of love through their partner's love language.
They love their partner in ways that their partner recognizes as love and can receive.
The Way You Treat Each Other
Successful couples treat each other with generosity and kindness.
Generosity brings a couple together and strengthens the connection between them, whereas selfishness and harshness separates them.
A happy spouse will choose to appreciate what their partner is doing right instead of focusing on what they are doing wrong.
They also assume the best intentions until proven wrong.
To find out if you’re on the right track, ask yourself how you would react if your spouse went to the store and forgot to buy one item.
Would you be grateful for the things they bought back or be angry about the one thing they forgot?
Treating each other with kindness increases the ratio of positive experiences to negative ones, which is the recipe for a healthy, happy, and lasting marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
June 17, 2023
ARE YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE CLOSE ENOUGH?
Is it possible is it to have a happy marriage if the spouses don’t feel close to each other?
Surprisingly, yes.
It's possible for an emotionally distant couple to be just as happy as a couple that is very close IF they're both happy with the degree of closeness between them.
(Whether or not it’s a healthy relationship is another matter.)
Expectation vs. Reality
You would assume that emotional intimacy and closeness lead to a happy marriage, but they don’t.
It’s most important for the spouses’ expectations regarding closeness to match, or to be as close as possible.
When you pair someone who craves a high level of closeness and intimacy in a marriage with someone who yearns for distance and more “alone time,” you're going to have problems, according to a study by researchers at Columbia University.
On average, only 37% of married couples are content with the level of closeness in their relationship.
On the other hand, more than half of married couples desire a closer relationship.
Finding the Right Balance
The first step is to acknowledge that there is no right or wrong amount of closeness in a relationship.
Your partner isn’t wrong for wanting to spend every waking moment with you or wanting more alone time to pursue their interests.
What’s important is to have a mutual acceptance and respect for each other’s needs before embarking on a search for the right balance.
Secondly, you need to discuss your individual needs.
Don’t just say you’re feeling smothered or you’re feeling abandoned; be specific.
If you need an hour to unwind after work or one day a week to focus on your hobby, let your partner know.
Once you’ve both laid your needs on the table, you can negotiate and find a formula that works for both of you and supports your marriage.
Don’t be so focused on finding the perfect formula; just find something you’re both willing to experiment with and modify as you go along.
Happiness in married life isn’t dependent on the closeness of the couple.
It’s dependent on how closely your expectations for closeness and emotional intimacy match your partner’s expectations and the everyday reality of your marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
June 10, 2023
MAKE YOUR SPOUSE YOUR SOULMATE
How much do you believe in soulmates or twin flames?
In describing their soulmate connection with their partner, some spouses say it’s feeling deeply connected to their wife or husband (not in a co-dependent, needy way), in a relationship where each other’s needs are equally met.
If you believe in soulmates, then you believe there’s a single person with whom you can have a deep feeling of affinity, love and intimacy, which is something we all desire and seek, regardless of whether we believe in soulmates.
Through the years, I’ve heard people say they “married the wrong person.”
In fact, 30% of divorced women give this as one of their reasons for divorce.
But that’s a dangerous mentality.
Just because you don’t feel you married your soulmate doesn’t mean your partner can’t become your soulmate.
It’s possible to turn your spouse into your soulmate, and, in fact, this should be every married couple’s goal.
Here are some examples of a soulmate-kind of love.
Finishing each other’s sentences is seen as a universal sign of romantic love.
But did you know that scientific research shows that this “skill” can be learned over time?
When people finish each other’s sentences, their hippocampus becomes more active.
The brain activity observed is very similar to what happens when memories are being accessed or processed.
So, it’s less likely that you somehow magically know what your spouse is going to say next, and more likely that you made an informed guess based on your memory of similar interactions.
As long as you keep spending quality time together and making memories, you’ll be finishing each other’s sentences before you know it!
Being a team is another sign of being soul mates.
These are peope who, at their very core, know that they are meant for each other, and have an “us against the world” mentality.
Contrary to what many people believe, this isn’t something that only happens becaus you're soulmates.
It’s the result of learning to trust each other fully to the point where you no longer question whether or not your husband or wife has your back; you just know it.
***You also give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and assume the best about them.
Being a team is something that you work towards.
For starters, you have to create healthy boundaries with friends and family because as long as you keep running to them with your problems, you’ll never be a team with your partner.
It’s you and your spouse against the world. To get to your spouse, “they” have to go through you, and vice-versa.
You also must be clear about your vision and goals regarding your marriage, finances, kids etc.
It’s hard to be a team when you’re are traveling in different directions.
You can have a soulmate kind of marriage, whether or not you believe in soulmates; begin by modeling these soulmate qualities.
But what makes it all work is this secret, which many couples find so difficult to practice: At its core, a soulmate-type of marriage is one in which both partners have intentionally moved from selfishness to giving.
In fact, if you really, really want to have the kind of marriage where you feel your spouse is your twin flame, then read and re-read and practice 1 Corinthians 13 consistently until your relationship mirrors the love, grace, and patience of Jesus Christ.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
June 3, 2023
IS YOUR MARRIAGE THIS HEALTHY?
Most of us know what an unhealthy marriage look like.
We know physical abuse, constant conflict and name calling have no place in a healthy relationship.
But do we know how a healthy relationship looks AND feels like?
What a healthy relationship feels and looks like…
The quickest way to determine if you’re in a healthy relationship is to think about how it makes you feel.
A healthy relationship feels safe, nurturing, comfortable and fun.
You should be able to disagree and resolve your conflict without fear or threats.
Being able to say “no” without being made to feel guilty or pressured into making sacrifices for the relationship at your expense is also a sign of a healthy relationship.
A healthy, happy marriage is also full of joy, gratitude, and laughter.
And if it’s a marriage of faith, God is at the center.
Does this mean you won’t have moments of anger, disappointment, and frustration? Nope.
It just means you’ll have more tears of joy than tears of sadness.
Boundaries
Healthy marriages have boundaries.
You should be able to discuss what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with regarding family, friends, finances and personal space.
For instance, both of you should be able to spend time with friends and family without being required to check in every hour or without abusing technology to check (stalk) each other.
Communication
The most important aspect of a healthy marriage besides boundaries is communication.
The way a couple communicates indicates how healthy or unhealthy their relationship is.
You know you’re in a good marriage when you can talk to each other openly and respectfully about your thoughts and feelings, and feel heard AND understood.
Even when your opinions differ, you should be able to come together and negotiate a compromise without either of you feeling like they’re sacrificing too much.
While a healthy relationship goes beyond feeling good, having clear boundaries, and communicating effectively, these are three good indicators as to whether your marriage is healthy or unhealthy.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
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